On ‘Gone Girl’

Like so many others before me, I just finished reading Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. Actually, let me rephrase that, I just demolished Gone Girl. I am not exaggerating when I say I finished this book in a day. Today in fact. And not many books manage to get me so hooked that I can’t put them down, The Fault In Our Stars being the last 24-hour read before this one (Okay? Okay).

Anyway, I bought the paperback a while ago and had it on my ‘To Read’ list for far longer than I should have. And yes, I did only decide to actually pick it up because the film version came out. And yes, I have had to run out of conversations, ears blocked and humming to avoid hearing any spoilers.

So I picked it up. And I didn’t put it back down until I was on the last page.

I’m not going to reveal any spoilers here (you can stop humming now) but can we all just take a moment, for those of us still reeling from those final pages to…I don’t know…reel from those final pages.

I mean, break my heart Gillian you could’ve given us something! Something! Anything! Gah!

I’m also going to admit it took me about 300 pages into the book to realize that the name ‘Go’ wasn’t an odd way of spelling ‘Joe’, but was actually short for Margo and was pronounced go as in stop. A frustrating little nickname that one. But never mind that, it really is the ending that has got everyone divided. It seems you either loved it or like me, was eerily bothered by it.

Anyone? Anyone else seeing where I’m coming from here?

Hmmm…it definitely got me thinking either way.

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Which Witch is Which?

The English language.

It’s the only one I speak…fluently anyway (Oui). But sometimes, and lately has been one of those times,  it just manages to baffle me in all new ways. I heard somewhere a while ago that English is the hardest language to learn, and I don’t know if that is true or not, but seriously I wouldn’t be surprised. It’s just crazy. So, considering there is no time like the present, I thought I would present you with this present of literary questions.

If I have one goose and two geese, why not one moose and two meese?

We here on the bloggersphere are writers who write, and workers who work, so why don’t hammers ham and grocers groce? And why is it that being a ‘wise man’ and a ‘wise guy’ mean the opposite thing, but having a ‘fat chance’ and a ‘slim chance’ mean the same thing?

I mean, how could it possibly be that dose, rose and lose don’t rhyme?

But it isn’t just spelling, I still think that whoever decided putting ‘g’ and ‘h’ together to make an ‘f’ sound (as in cough) is just cruel. Or that saying the word ‘queue’ is the same as saying ‘cue’.

Now if English didn’t confuse you before, I think that just about does it. However, if I still haven’t quite convinced you, just remember that lead and read rhyme and lead and read rhyme, but lead and read don’t rhyme and neither do lead and read…(good luck wrapping your head around that one first go).

And maybe it’s not even because the English language is that difficult, but that we are becoming consistently worse spellers. Now with technology and whatnot, you don’t need to learn spelling rules, that little red squiggle underneath words simply tells you all the answers. But sometimes even this fails us! And come on, you know English is complex when autocorrect doesn’t even know what were trying to say half of the thyme.

On Procrastinating

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There are many different forms of procrastination, all highly effective in the art of putting off doing something instead of actually doing it. I have compiled an extensive list for your convenience below – 

PROCRASTIBAKING – Baking something instead of doing what you are supposed to be doing

PROCRASTICLEANING – Cleaning everything (twice) instead of dong what you are supposed to be doing

PROCRASTIFREAKING – Panicking about all the things you should be doing while at the same time not doing them

PROCRASTILISTING – Making lists of what you have to do instead of doing them

PROCRASTISLEEPING – Naps are important for keeping the mind active…and not doing what you are supposed to be doing

PROCRASTISNACKING – Eating something because you need fuel to be doing what you are supposed to be doing instead of actually doing it

PROCRASTIRUNNING – Because going for a jog will help to clear your head and prepare you to do what you are supposed to be doing

PROCRASTISHARING – Taking a photo of yourself pretending to do what you are supposed to be doing and posting it online in an effort to make other people think you are actually doing it

PROCRASTISCROLLING – Scrolling through your social media instead of doing what you are supposed to be doing (are most likely coming across evidence of procrastisharing, see above)

PROCRASTIWATCHING – Watching that one last episode instead of doing what you are supposed to be doing

PROCRASTIBLOGGING – Blogging about something instead of doing what you are supposed to be doing (Example A….this post)

PROCRASTIREADING – Reading this blog post instead of doing what you are supposed to be doing

PROCRASTITHONNING – Doing all of these things in a marathon type fashion, instead of doing what you are supposed to be doing

“That moment when you finish a book, look around, and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives as though you didn’t just experience emotional trauma at the hands of a paperback.”

I stumbled across this quote today and simply thought to myself, 

This could not be more true.

Tell me I’m not the only one who experiences this feeling after a devastatingly brilliant novel?